I was born with a shot glass in my hand
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
