i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
