one might say we're banned from that church
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
