Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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