I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
