i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
