Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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