Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
