my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
