You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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