you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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