Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
