I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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