The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
