I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
