Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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