She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
