Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
