According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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