He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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