She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
