Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
