Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
