sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
