Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
