I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
