I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
