Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
