he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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