There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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