this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
