Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
