I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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