im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
