I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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