so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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