Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
