if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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