Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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