PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
