I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
