my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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