Having a random hookup so left but love u
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
