Is it because I queefed?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
