wrigley field is MILF paradise
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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