walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize