It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
