that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
