a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
