Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
