If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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