if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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