I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
