Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize