He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
