Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
