I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
