ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
