I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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