My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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