well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
