he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
